Tuesday, October 10, 2006


This Saturday, my dear friend Kathy is getting married. I won't be there. In truth, I wasn't invited. Somewhere along the road we lost touch. Or, rather, I got dumped. I guess - I don't really know for sure.

I read an article once about the breakups between adult friends and the confusion and sadness it created when it was a one sided event. The last time I spoke to Kathy directly, I had called her to berate her for ignoring the messages of another friend who was going through a cancer scare at the time. I did instant message with her once more after that and she apologized for not getting in touch with us. I told her not to be sorry - the only thing that mattered was that she was okay. She promised to email more later that day but never did.

I have sent baby announcements and birthday and holiday cards along the way - partly as a way to be the bigger person and extend her every opportunity to reconnect. The other part of me is just being childish - constantly showing that it's not me who has the problem.

This isn't the first time we've lost touch. After being a bridesmaid in my wedding, we didn't speak again for nearly two years. I don't really know what that was about either and once we were on track I didn't bother looking back. Now I wonder if there is a pattern to be recognized here and whether I need to look no further than a mirror to see the problem. Clearly, it must be me. As my friend Mia said the other day, "We must have royally pissed her off not to be invited to her wedding." Did we?

Being a bride is one of the most overwhelming, stressful events in life...hands down. The planning, organizing, financing, and pleasing that goes on is unbelievable. A bride should get to do whatever she wants with no explanations necessary. If Kathy doesn't want to have us at her wedding, she shouldn't feel badly about it. It's her day and I wish her and Ken all the happiness in the world. I really and truly do. Regardless of whether or not we ever speak again, I want her to find happiness and peace in her life. I want that for all of my friends.

Now when I look at the pictures from my wedding, I see a happy, smiling person who I don't know anymore. I may never have really known her at all.


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