Thursday, September 07, 2006

Black Outs, Memory Loss and Other Calorie Free Events

I went over to the gym today for a meeting. (Notice the phrase - for a MEETING. Not for a WORKOUT. Puh-lease.) Arthur and I followed the route for the event next week to review all the street crossings, potential danger zones, and the right places for exhibitors, refreshments and volunteers.

A brisk walk and a solid 25 minutes later I got back into my car and headed over to my office. The incident occured somewhere between my parking space and the front door of the building. I walked into the deli to grab a bottle of water. The next thing I know I am standing on the sidewalk with the water in one hand and a big honking chocolate chip cookie in the other. I don't remember how it happened. I don't know what I was thinking because I am pretty certain that I wasn't thinking. An evil force, like the serpent in the story of Adam and Eve, disguised as a cashier, must have done this to me. It's the only answer.

Even if that actually explained HOW the cookie came to be in my hand, there is no clear path to how it ended up in my mouth. Not one bite of it - or two. The whole f'n thing. Quietly, so as not to draw attention to it - so as not to alert the world to my secret. I'm a junk food junkie. I'm the crack whore in the candy aisle. This is my cry for help!

Is there a 12 step program for this problem? I've even tried to pass this addiction off as good for my health. "They are dark chocolate kisses. Dark chocolate is good for your heart. Therefore, this is good for me." Uh huh. Did you know that they make dark chocolate M&Ms now? They must have heard my prayers.

I remember a friend telling me once that she was going to open a restaurant where everyone stood over long counters and sinks...the way many of us grab a meal in this day and age. She also said that anything you eat standing has no calories. I think that this is from the same book that said that you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. It's bulls**t and we all know it, but if it means that we can feel good now, we'll believe it.

You have to surf over to The Amazing Shrinking Mom blog. Just click on the title of this post because I linked it for you. This top 10 list of ways to get fat is CLASSIC. She has crawled to the bottom of the big bag of cotton candy with the worst of us and she knows all the tricks. She could be my SPONSOR. She's definitely my hero.

And with that confession, I'm spent. I need a snack. Uh oh...


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