Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Mothers and Daughters

There was a time when I told people that I wanted to have a daughter so that she could grow up to resent me. I felt that was the natural course of events. This year, I got the first half of my wish. I had a daughter. But now, things are different.

Before she even uttered Mama for the first time, I knew that I wanted to be her best friend forever. I want her to grow up and never leave home. I want to embody the souls of Lorelai and Rory on The Gilmore Girls. I want to have great girl talk over coffee, open conversations about life, a flurry of loving sarcasm and witty retorts.

I want to talk to her every day - a million times a day. I haven't slept in months but I miss her when she is sleeping peacefully in her own room and the house is too quiet.

My poor husband and son. Mostly, my poor son. He is my mama's boy through and through. And yet, he is evolving into quite the little man. He is becoming more interested in sports, super heroes and serious Daddy time. Not that we don't have a phenomenal relationship - trust me, I used to say that I hoped he grew up to be gay because I perceive gay men to have better relationships with their mothers. I have probably been watching a little too much Will and Grace to be objective or informed. But, he still wants to marry me and he still says I'm his favorite and I secretly (openly) celebrate his devotion to me.

I think that it is possible to not resent your parents. I don't resent mine, at least not anymore. I can't say that we liked each other very much when I was in high school but it was mutual and we can laugh about it now. (I think my parents were laughing about it back then too - but I digress.)

Mothers and daughters are a tricky combination. It can be the stuff that Lifetime movies are made of or it can be something else entirely. I hope that Syd and I have an unbreakable bond. I hope that we weather the storms of adolescence with grace and aplomb. I hope that we get to be as close as I am with my mom. I hope that she lets me be a part of her life and that I don't embarass her too much.

I guess I could fill a wishing well with my hopes for our future. In the end, I have some control over what happens, I suppose. But being the control freak that I am, my last hope is that I don't do anything to kill the very cool thing we have going on. We could be BFF yet.


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